Things To Do...

...before the inaugural (January 20, 2005):

1. Get that abortion you've always wanted
2. Drink a nice clean glass of water
3. Cash your Social Security check
4. See a doctor of your own choosing
5. Spend quality time with your draft age child/grandchild
6. Visit Syria, or any foreign country for that matter
7. Get that gas mask you've been putting off buying
8. Hoard gasoline
9. Borrow books from library before they're banned (Constitutional law books, Catcher in the Rye, Harry Potter, Tropic of Cancer, etc.)
10. If you have an idea for an art piece involving a crucifix, do it now
11. Come out... then go back in – HURRY!
12. Jam in all the Alzheimer's stem cell research you can
13. Stay out late before the curfews start
14. Go see Bruce Springsteen before he has his "accident"
15. Go see Mount Rushmore before the Reagan addition
16. Use the phrase "you can't do that – this is America"
17. If you're white, marry a black person; if you're black, marry a white person
18. Take a walk in Yosemite, without being hit by a snowmobile or a base-jumper
19. Enroll your kid in an accelerated art or music class
20. Start your school day without a prayer
21. Pass on the secrets of evolution to future generations
22. Learn French
23. Attend a commitment ceremony with your gay friends
24. Take a factory tour anywhere in the U.S.
25. Try to take photographs of animals on the endangered species list
26. Visit Florida before the polar ice caps melt
27. Visit Nevada before it becomes radioactive
28. Visit Alaska before "The Big Spill"
29. Visit Massachusetts while it is still a State.