Start Value

Imagine if Bush's performance as President were rated by Olympic gymnastic judges...

Charles P. Pierce sticks it!

Start Value

There’s a simple reason why George W. Bush should never win the gold: His routine is just too easy.

[...]

A South Korean gymnast named Yang Tae Young was the victim of a scoring error that also helped hand the individual all-around gold medal to American gymnast Paul Hamm. This was treated as a kind of that's-the-way-it-goes by the broadcast crew. (And, yes, you are correct in your imaginings as to what would have happened has it been the American kid who was on the business end of this bungling.)

Yang ran afoul of something called the "start value" of one of his routines, which apparently is the assessment of the judges as to how hard the routine is to perform. The eventual score is calculated down from the start value. Due to an error by those mysterious folks in blazers who sit there like the politburo used to sit, Yang was given a start value that was too low. Great huffing and blowing ensued, and Trautwig -- who assuredly has a job at FOX whenever he needs it -- made sure to give the Korean an I-told-ya-so kick two nights later when Yang screwed up in the high-bar competition

Anyway, I like the start value. I think it's an interesting, charmingly egalitarian concept. For example, let's say you want to stay president of the United States. For most of the first 40 years of your life, you're a conspicuous ne'er-do-well, even in a family notable for them. (Hi, Neil! Back in the attic now. Be quick about it.) You are backed in several business ventures, all of which crater, but out of which you are helped from the wreckage by many of the people who were your stake horses to begin with. You do well selling your percentage of a baseball team to one of your family's best friends. You become governor of Texas and then, despite receiving half a million votes less than the other guy, you become president of the United States after nearly a decade of relative peace and prosperity.

For a year or so, you serve no apparent function in the office. However, a really bad thing happens, and the country and the world rally to your cause. Over the next three years, you squander almost all of that goodwill. A war into which you had to euchre the nation goes terribly bad. The economy remains narcoleptic. And then it's time to run for president again. You don't exactly stick the landing, but you throw your arms in the air and give the judges your best and biggest smile. But you know you have trouble.

Why?

Start values.

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