Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

Wednesday, March 04, 2026

first kiss, part II

anna was the first
alice was the first
that meant something
that involved tongues

she too had the experience
i lacked
but that i welcomed
with open arms
and open mouth

we sat on her backdoor steps
and in my heart of hearts
i felt love
and loved
for the first time

there is something about being
literally connected
with someone
at the lips
that changes the world

 

first kiss

 

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Unless otherwise noted, all writings and photographs on this blog are copyright Patrick T. Power. All rights reserved.

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Friday, January 16, 2026

Collage

A four-frame collage of a woman who is lying on a blanket on a beach. The collage covers only her shoulders, head and arms. Her head is resting on her left hand; she is looking from left to right, and her right arm/hand is extended towards and resting on a drawing pad lying on the blanket. The four pieces of the collage are assembled ditigally, and appear as if they are actual photographic prints lying on top of each other. Her body parts within the collage are not perfectly aligned.
Penny Collage, ©2026 Patrick T. Power

I scanned the negatives for this today. I took the photographs used in this collage in either the summer of 1991 or 1992... leaning towards the latter. They were taken one weekend that Penny and I took the kids to Grand Haven State Park, which runs along the shore of Lake Michigan, about twenty minutes south of Muskegon, Michigan. It's probably the earliest example of my creating not-so-typical "panoramas" with my picture taking. Aside from possibly laying the original prints on top of each other way back then, I'd not thought about creating an actual collage out of them until today.

A five-frame collage of a woman who is lying on a blanket on a beach along with her son. The collage covers only her shoulders, head and arms. Her head is resting on her left hand; the boy's head similarly is resting in his right hand. She is looking from left to right, and her right arm/hand is extended towards and resting on a drawing pad lying on the blanket. The four pieces of the collage are assembled ditigally, and appear as if they are actual photographic prints lying on top of each other. Her body parts within the collage are not perfectly aligned.
Penny Collage II, ©2026 Patrick T. Power

This second version includes our son, Zachary, but he got up while I was taking the series of photographs, so that's why he appears somewhat to be floating mid-air. Penny also moved a bit during the sequence, as she lowered her left arm and rested it across her right arm before raising it back to her chin. I like them both for different reasons.

At that time in my life, I mostly took pictures of the kids or Penny, or documented family gatherings, which, of course, is why I appear in so few of our family's photographs. I wasn't much of a photographer, really, despite that I had a 35mm camera and had photographed a few weddings. At best, I was a picture taker. Which is not to say that I didn't have ideas about being a photographer. (Many a set of negatives has a frame or two in which I attempted something "artsy"... something that caught my eye for one reason or another.)

In fact, it was about this time that I purchased a used medium format camera, a Mamiya RB67, and shortly after that, an auto-focus Nikon N90, along with a couple of lenses. While the N90 was sort of classified as a serious hobbyist or just-short-of-professional camera, the lenses were adequate only in their combined ability to cover a range from 28mm to 300mm: a Nikkor AF 28-85mm f/3.5-4.5 and a Nikkor AF 75mm-300mm f/4.5-5.6. Neither lens was very fast so therefore not ideal for doing professional work, but I wasn't as informed as I should have been about camera gear when I bought it all.

While writing this, it occured to me that chances are high that I had the N90 by this time as one of the photographs on the same set of negatives was taken by my daughter, and I suspect that since it's in focus, it was the N90. The Nikkormat FTN I'd had been using since 1979 or so (and which I still have) likely would have been a struggle for her to use with her four- or five-year-old hands, especially since it was manual focus.

Photograph of me and my then-wife, Penny, taken from the back seat of our car. I am on the right turned and smiling at the camera from between the headrests; Penny is on the left, wearing sunglasses, and appears to be looking at me.
From the Back Seat

There's a chance, too, that the photographs were taken with Penny's point-and-shoot camera, but judging from the shallow-ish depth-of-field on several other frames (including those which make up the collage), it's not likely.

These negatives have been tucked away in boxes for nearly thirty years—so long that while I recognized the images in the collage, the photograph of me and Penny took me completely by surprise. Mainly because I just have no memory of it, but also because there are so few photographs with both of us in them.

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Unless otherwise noted, all writings on this blog are copyright Patrick T. Power. All rights reserved.

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Thursday, January 08, 2026

The Digitization of Memory

A diptych of two photographs, both taken one after the other on a snowy evening in Lansing, Michigan. A woman holds wrapped Christmas gifts and assorted other items as she stands on the first of two steps that lead to the door of an apartment building. She is wearing a hooded shin-length coat and is wearing boots. A small section of the skirt she is wearing stics out the front of her coat.
Penny, December 1980 — ©2025 Patrick T. Power

Sometimes I wonder how it is I recall the things I recall. Some of the oddest memories pop into my head when I least suspect them. Case in point: this past week, I recalled a day I had ridden my bike to visit a high school classmate either the summer following our Junior year or possibly the following year. So... either 1972 or 1973. The memory that remains pretty vivid with me is that at some point, we left his house to go to his older brother's place not all that far away. I don't recall the reason we went there as his brother wasn't home, so maybe it was to take his mail in or water plants or something. But while I sat in one of the chairs in the living room, he picked up and showed me a small spray can of mace, the type that postal carriers are known to keep on them in the event of a dog attack. He squirted just a minute amount into the air and it had me gagging. It was amazing how so little could spread so quickly.

I have lots of little memories like that stored in the crevasses of my brain, and they randomly come to the surface for almost no reason at the oddest times.

Another is one that I sort of documented in the above diptych. Because lately I've been doing so much scanning of negatives from photographs taken during the time I was married—mostly of the kids or my used-to-be-wife Penny or family get-togethers—the photographs have spurred memories from those times. But I didn't need to see these two photographs to recall the moment. In fact, it was as I was scanning other negatives that I wondered where this set of negatives were because I had yet to come across them. These two photographs of Penny specifically came to mind, and along with them, the memory of the moment that I long have thought I'd fallen completely in love with her.

Penny and I had just gotten back to her place in Lansing from her parents' house in Laingsburg, which other photographs from that roll reminded me that we had attended her youngest sister's annual Christmas Pageant, a play she put on using her dolls and stuffed animals (featuring Kermit the Frog and Mrs. Beasley). For reasons I can't recall, I wanted to take Penny's picture before she entered the apartment. Maybe it was just how great she looked in her hooded coat against the backdrop of a snowy evening. It might have been that she asked me to. The skirt she wore that night, if memory serves, was one she had recently purchased at a small boutique in Lansing called Kilamanjaro. Again, if memory serves, she had done some artwork for the owner of the boutique, Mattie Robinson, so maybe the skirt was her payment.

What I do recall about the moment was such a small thing, really. Just as I raised the camera to my eye, she told me to hold on. She wanted the dress to be in the photo, so reached down (despite all she was holding) and pulled a small section of it out from under her coat. The photographs memorialized it.

So, I guess that's what I'm referring to as the digitization of memory. Not only am I scanning photographs that are historical visual records of fractions of moments in time, I'm scanning memories of those moments. I could have told this story without the photographs. That is, I didn't need the photographs to recall that moment. But I do like knowing that there is photographic evidence of it.

And now that I'm thinking about it, that moment was also the inspiration for a song I would write many years later:

We were married on a Christmas Day
A very long time ago, I must say
We walked through the snow
And we talked 'til the day turned to night

Time was not friendly, it went too fast
Our future too quickly became our past
It caught me off guard, I thought it would last
That it might

I guess I assumed that you felt the same
It seemed like you could, it seemed you became
A star I could follow, a treasure to claim
As my own

But somehow something clouded my view
I turned my head 'round and I lost track of you
A storm navigated by only a few
Hit my home

So now here we stand at the threshold again
Looking behind us and forward and then
Knowing too well that this might be the end
Of the light

We were married on a Christmas day
A very long time ago, I must say
We walked through the snow and we talked 'til the day
Turned to night

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Unless otherwise noted, all writings on this blog are copyright Patrick T. Power. All rights reserved.

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Thursday, August 07, 2025

Anniversary

ALT TEXT OF IMAGE HERE
Wedding Day, 7 August 1982

Is there a name for an anniversary that is no longer celebrated?

Today, while tending to my routine of posting deck logs to a Facebook group dedicated to the history of the USS Zircon (PY-16), one of the two ships my dad served on during World War II, I naturally had to look at the date on the log sheet. While the year was 1942, the day was the 7th of August, the date on which I would get married forty years later.

When I recall that day, my mind often refers back to the photographs that my then-bride Penny's sister Paula took using my Nikkormat FTN 35mm camera. The above photo is one that often sticks in my memory as it's one that years later—at the time we were going through our split up—Penny would point to (literally or figuratively, I can't recall) as proof that I didn't want to be married, or words to that effect. And because I am nothing if not a rehasher of the past, I've often thought about those remarks, picture or no picture.

Of course, those words, on their face, are not true. I did want to be married to her. But I just didn't know what that meant. At just over three years, our relationship had been my longest to date, and for most of that time we lived a little over two hours apart—I in Bowling Green, Ohio, and she in Lansing, Michigan. I lived with her for about three weeks while I commuted back and forth to Jackson, Michigan for a job I had as part of an internship, but by and large, we didn't spend a whole lot of time together until after I'd graduated. I recall living with her for a spell in which I took a piddly job with some kind of mail-order operation that didn't last long, but I eventually went back to Toledo to work with Lane Drug, a pharmacy-convenience chain which had stores throughout northwestern Ohio, and owned an East Coast company, Peoples Drug, which was fairly massive.

While the relationship seemed to be heading toward marriage, we didn't talk about it much. As best as I can recall, we didn't talk about our aspirations as regards children or career goals, but we seemed compatible in so many ways. Penny's folks approved of me, and I got along well with her siblings. Her mom had been adopted as a young girl, and Penny had a pretty close relationship with her mom's adoptive parents, especially her grandmother, Laverne. If memory serves, sometime in 1981 Laverne took a fall or two and—as seems to be typical in such cases—developed pneumonia and/or other complications. During this time, Penny brought up marriage; she wanted to tell Laverne that we were getting married. It wasn't a proposal per se, it was more like a strong suggestion, but of course, I agreed. Laverne would die in September of that year.

We agreed that the wedding would be a simple one, and the plan was to hold it on the front lawn at her parents house just outside Laingsburg, Michigan proper. Penny had great affection for the large tree just outside the front door of the house, and that's where she wanted the ceremony to take place. We agreed to invite a very limited number of guests, which would bend the noses of a few of her life-long friends, but neither of us were big-time partiers, so something low-key was best served by inviting fewer than seventy people.

As I was in Ohio for most of the year leading up to the event, Penny took care of most of the details. She designed the invitations and had them printed, she made her own dress, she had the rings of silver made by a local artist. I think her dad took care of procuring a canopy or two to cover the food. My biggest contribution besides saying "OK" a lot was probably putting together the mix tape (which kicked off with this), and—on the day of the wedding—running speaker wire from her parents' living room to the outdoors and mounting speakers on the house's exterior. I also brought the camera and film for the pictures.

The pictures.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that most marriages are a first time occasion for the couples involved. Getting married was absolutely new to me, but also, I have to admit, was making public displays of affection. On this particular day, I had no clue about what to do with my hands or my body. Why didn't I take Penny's hand? you might ask. Yeah, I wonder about that, too. Why didn't I stand closer to her? I have no answer, really, other than that maybe... MAYbe it had something to do with the fact that in all the weddings I'd ever seen, the couples actually only unite once the vows are spoken. I'm kind of grasping at straws, because I was totally enamoured with Penny and thrilled that I was the lucky one to be standing so awkwardly to her right.

Ultimately, though, the marriage didn't work out. I honestly feel as though Penny was ready to call it quits not long after our son Zachary was born in February of 1985. I was so ill-prepared to be a good husband or partner. For one, I spent more time at work than I did at home. Not because the job meant more to me than she did—far from it—I was just not good at what I was supposed to be doing, and I lived in constant fear of losing the job and the relatively good income that supported us. It was something that I kept to myself when I came home, as I wanted neither to burden her with my crap nor to admit to my weakness. A guy thing, I guess. This went on year after year after year until it came to a head ten years later and I felt compelled to resign. Whatever fine, scintilla of a thread that might have been holding the marriage together snapped that day. Yes, there was so much more to it than that, but that was a huge factor, and one which I think led to everything else.

We've now been divorced for over twice as long as we were married. It took a while but for several years now, the 7th of August has passed without notice (as has 22 June, the date we met), but as I still have four years worth of deck logs to post at Facebook, it'll probably be at least that long before the date doesn't bring back the best of the memories from that day and those times.

Penny and Me
Penny and Me

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Tuesday, December 24, 2024

That Summer of '78

or A Whole Lot of Temporary

Photograph of me and Sandy Harley sitting on a decorative landscaping wall in a park in Minneapolis. I'm on the left, shirtless and in shorts; Sandy is on the right and wearing blue jean bibs-shorts, with sunglasses on her head.
Me and Sandy Harley ©2024 Patrick T. Power

NOTE: I've decided to abandon my Substack account because of that platform's decision to create a partnership with right-winger Bari Weiss's organization. I will migrate what few posts I've published there to this site. This post was originally published on 9 November 2024. I've since done some minor editing

My former mother-in-law died a little less than two weeks ago, and as is my wont, I started ripping up my apartment trying to find photographs I'd taken almost thirty years ago on film to see what I might have of her. I didn't take near as many photographs in my film days as I have since going digital, but I tended to have my camera at all the family get-togethers so that there would be some kind of record of the events. Somewhere along the line, though, I stopped putting the prints into photo albums and stashed them and the negatives away for I don't know what. Typically, I would get double prints, so I could share the extras with others if they wanted something so I still have two copies of a lot of them. When Kodak began offering Picture Discs with low-resolution scans of the negatives, I cared even less about keeping an accessible archive of the prints.

All that to say that I found a handful of photographs that I knew I had around here somewhere, but had no clue where I might have stashed them. But I guess as the saying goes, the minute you stop looking for something, you find it. So along with the photographs that I was looking for, I found the ones I'd been wondering about, as well as something to write about.

As the school year was wrapping up in Bowling Green, Ohio in the spring of 1978, my older brother Mike suggested that I come out to Minnesota to work for the summer. He'd been living in the Minneapolis area for a couple of years with his then-wife Carol, and son Christopher, and they'd just had a newborn daughter, Angela, in February. If memory serves, he was the Operations Manager at the Big A Auto Parts distribution center in Edina.

It's weird now in this age of internet and text immediacy to think about that conversation because we didn't really talk all that often. Long-distance charges were a thing back then, and it tended to keep calls few and relatively short. Did he call me to suggest it? Did I call him just to chat and he presented the idea to me? Had I mentioned that I didn't have a job lined up for the summer and it just popped into his head? I'm coming around to the likelihood that I answered the phone and after a few niceties, he asked "What are you doing this summer?"

I worked at the campus media center during the school year, processing film and doing copy photography, and again if memory serves, I had worked the previous summer at Commercial Aluminum Cookware (later known as Calphalon) about halfway between home in Toledo and school. After working full-time there for over two years, I decided I wasn't going to work fifty hours a week the rest of my life in a polishing powder-filled factory—despite the relatively good money—and off I went to school. I stayed on in a part-time capacity for a little while, but I became a persona non grata with the newish, buttoned-up manager when I drew a life-sized comic-caricature of him. He decided the company no longer needed a part-time employee.

Anyway, however the offer came to pass, I agreed to go to Minnesota. Before heading out, I recorded a bunch of my albums onto cassettes for the ten- to twelve-hour drive. Dylan had just released Street Legal, so that was at the top of the list; I also no doubt included most of his discography in the mix. At about the same time, Springsteen released Darkness On The Edge Of Town, so I recorded that along with his first three records. I had only become a fan of his after Born To Run had come out so I was still kind of getting to know his stuff—I had to bring all of it. The Allman Brothers' Brothers and Sisters also made the cut—the record was five years old at the time, but still a goodie. There are two songs from amongst all the tapes I brought with me that I can't not associate with the trip: the Allman Brothers' "Jessica" and Springsteen's "4th of July, Asbury Park (Sandy)" from The Wild, the Innocent & the E Street Shuffle—both for very different reasons.

Within a week or two, I packed up my 1974 Volkswagen Super Beetle and was on my way. I stopped in the Chicago area to see my mom's brother, Skip, and his family, and I spent a night there to break up the travel. At that time in my life, I could drive for hours with nary a break, but aside from that overnight pit stop, I tried to get there in as little time as possible. I took I-94 through the heart of Wisconsin, and as I made my way into the greater Minneapolis area, Brothers and Sisters was playing. It was raining a bit, and as traffic was getting thicker, I had to keep pace with it. It was then that I discovered that there might not be a greater driving song than "Jessica" (and, I might add, for dancing in your chair).

I took I-35W south from I-94 to where Mike lived in Burnsville. The highway would become more and more familiar to me over the course of the coming weeks as it was my way to and from work each day. (35W crossed the Minnesota River near Bloomington by way of a bridge that twenty-nine years later suffered a catastrophic collapse.) Traffic was backed up as I approached Burnsville and because I abhor sitting in a non-moving vehicle, I got off the highway and followed a route that took me west of Burnsville, near Shakopee, where I would cross another stretch of the river. It probably didn't save me a bit of time but I was at least in motion.

I started work the following Monday. I stocked car parts for the other workers—assemblers—to pull for orders. I learned later that I was getting paid a dollar more per hour than my peers, which ruffled a few feathers—something I didn't know when I was hired. I don't know how my co-workers found out. I enjoyed the people I worked with, though. Too many years have passed so names elude me, although I'm pretty sure one of the four or five guy assemblers I regularly cavorted with was named Steve Gilford. There were a couple of women assemblers, too… one a quiet blonde who seemed suspicious of me, and Sandy Harley, with whom I'd become smitten.

Sandy Harley taken at a lake in Minneapolis. She is looking directly at the camera, and the image is cropped from just above her bustline to just above her head. She is wearing a green flowery looking bikini top. There are a few trees and people in folding chairs behind her in the short distance.
Sandy Harley, July of 1978 ©2024 Patrick T. Power

At first, I didn't know what to make of things with her, whether she was seeing someone or not. My social clumsiness meant not asking, I guess, and I wasn't about to ask my new co-workers, but eventually we started going out. I think one of our first dates was to go to a blues show at The Cabooze, but when we got there, it wasn't happening. I never figured out why. We drove around for a bit and eventually found another place with live music. The band played Warren Zevon's "Lawyers, Guns and Money" during their set, which I thought was pretty cool as I was a big fan of his, and I drank my first St. Pauli Girl. I also attended my first classical concert with Sandy—French flautist Jean-Pierre Rampal was the guest conductor with the Minneapolis Philharmonic. (I found it humourous that he appeared to direct the orchestra with his butt when he turned to face the audience.) I bought his Suite For Flute And Jazz Piano that night. Sandy also turned me on to the Lamont Cranston Band, a local boogie-blues group that had—it was rumoured—caught the ear of John Belushi and was going to appear on Saturday Night Live that fall. We saw them at a place in Shakopee… Doc Holliday’s maybe?… and I bought their LP, Specials Lit.

The Minnesota Kicks, Minneapolis's team in the now-defunct North American Soccer League, was a pretty big deal at the time, as was something new to me, tailgating, so a few of the guys from work and I met up at Metropolitan Stadium in Bloomington to party on a couple of occasions. It was at my first tailgate that a couple of young women approached me seemingly out of nowhere. Had I been eyeing them up? They me? We chatted for a bit and one of them gave me her phone number and maybe even her address. It was the first time something like that had ever happened to me. Her name was… Sandy. In the weeks that followed, I picked up the phone and dialed six of the seven numbers a couple of times, but things seemed to be moving ever-so-slightly forward with Sandy number one, so I stopped and put the phone down.

Sandy, the first one, lived upstairs in a beautiful old Victorian house near Lake Of The Isles, an area made famous in the opening credits of The Mary Tyler Moore Show. We hung out there on occasion, and went canoeing on the lake once. We also picnic'd and sunbathed (mostly) at a couple of other downtown lakes, Harriet and Nokomis. The above photograph was likely taken at one of the two... Nokomis, I think. I seem to recall that Lake Calhoun (which I just learned is now known by its original Dakota name Bde Maka Ska was the least of Sandy's favourites for reasons that escape me now.

It's interesting to me how as I write this, more details from those twelve weeks or so come to my memory's surface. I had been a pretty major collector of rare Bob Dylan recordings for several years, so I was immersed in reading Larry Sloman's On The Road With Bob Dylan: Rolling With The Thunder, reading it in the car during my lunch breaks. Dylan's film Renaldo & Clara had been released in January and I'd obtained a recording of just the audio earlier in the year, so I was pretty thrilled to get a chance to actually see it in Dylan's home state when the cut version was released.

On the 9th of August, Springsteen performed a show at The Agora Ballroom in Cleveland and it was broadcast live across the country—all three hours!—and I listened in the solitude of my room. It cinched my Bruce fandom. And wouldn't you know it… "4th of July, Asbury Park (Sandy)" was his first encore.

As the summer wound down, Sandy and I made a trip to the north shore of Lake Superior for a camping weekend. We stopped at her parents' place in Anoka and I met her mom and one of her brothers.

Sandy Harley sitting on the rear bumper of my 1974 Volkswagen Super Beetle. She is wearing a red Adidas t-shirt, light blue shorts, a white bandana on her head, and has a purse hanging from her left shoulder. She is looking up at the camera, sn has her hands crossed on her lap just above her knees. She also has a watch on her left wrist.
Sandy and my Super Beetle ©2024 Patrick T. Power

On the way up—actually a bit out of the way—we passed through Hibbing, Minnesota, where Dylan had grown up. We didn't tool around town looking for his boyhood home or anything, we just drove through on the main drag, stopping to get gas, then passing by the high school. I guess I wanted to say I'd been there since I was so close. We also made a brief stop at the Hull-Rust-Mahoning Open Pit Iron Mine, one of the other three things for which Hibbing is famous… the other two being that it's the hometown of Roger Maris and Greyhound bus lines. The magnitude of the open pit mine is both breathtaking and heartbreaking.

A picture of me wading in shin-deep water of a river somewhere between Minneapolis and the north shore of Lake Superior. I'm wearing a t-shirt with BOWLING GREEN in two lines across my chest, and I'm reaching down to touch my right foot which is raised about a foot above the water. I must have stepped on something. My left arm is almost perpendicular to my body as I balance myself. I'm looking down at my right foot. Only a bit of my face is showing. I'm wearing cut-off blue jean shorts which show probably two-thirds of my thigh.
Me, somewhere along the way

We camped at a totally rustic site and the only vivid memory etched in my brain is that when I washed my hair in the lake, it was so cold—despite being near the end of August—it felt like my scalp was on fire. And yet somehow, others were diving in and swimming as if it were a reasonable thing to do. I just couldn't imagine doing to my whole self what I'd done to my scalp.

On the way back to the city, we stopped in Duluth. Sandy had gone to the University of Minnesota-Duluth so she showed me a little of the campus and told me that most—if not all—of the buildings were connected so that people wouldn't have to deal with the sub-zero temperatures during the winter. Much of the city is built on hills, and although I had never been to the city in which I now live, I told her Duluth looked kind of like a mini-San Francisco. We went out to the North Pier Lighthouse and I snapped a series of photographs with her 110-cartridge-film camera that I later mounted as a panorama at school.

A six-frame panorama of Duluth, Minnesota taken in August of 1978 with a 110-film camera from the North Pier Lighthouse. The six frames are mounted on blue matt board, and many of the prints show signs of wear from several moves and improper storage. At the far left of the frame is the Aerial Lift Bridge, with the city taking up most of the next four frames.
Duluth panorama — Photo by Patrick T. Power. All rights reserved.

Possibly the worst moment of my summer came shortly after returning from the camping trip. I was working one day when out of the blue, Scott, a guy who worked in the office and was best buds with Sandy confronted me. He wanted to know why I had written on one of the walls of a bathroom stall that I'd had sex with Sandy during the camping trip. Of course, more vulgar terminology had been used. First of all, we hadn't had sex, so it wouldn't have occurred to me to write such a thing, and two, I've never in my life told another person—must less publicly boasted—about my private moments with a woman. It's just not my nature. Scott seemed convinced of my innocence, that someone else had done the deed in my name. I can't recall if I confronted anyone about it. I think the guys I hung out with liked and respected Sandy, so I didn't really suspect any of them, but you never know. Sandy never knew about it until I brought it up with her many years later. I'm glad she didn't know about it then as it would have crushed her to know that her work mates talked about her like that.

There are a few other details I recall about the trip, such as learning that just before I'd arrived, Mike had quit smoking when his toddler son, Chris, decided he wanted to eat something from one of the ashtrays... I helped Mike with some decorative landscaping around the house, which mostly meant shoveling white stone around the patio area. Also, Mike rented a copy of the brilliant Das Boot and I somehow managed to fall asleep... I think I babysat the kids once so that Mike and Carol could have a night out... Pope Paul VI died while I was in Minneapolis, and I recall watching Wimbledon during that time and playing pool on the table just outside my room... Big A had a company picnic and we played softball. I recall one of the bosses, Dennis was his name, I think, blasted a ball over my head in center field. I got the last laugh, though, as I threw him out at third base. Also, I won a digital watch in the picnic raffle. The battery wore out within a year or so and I never replaced it. It was the last watch I've owned. It had an alarm setting that played a classical piece that I can't at the moment recall.

So much, of course, is a blur these forty-six years later.

Sandy and I remained in touch briefly after my departure. I made a surprise trip to see her on Hallowe'en that year. It didn't go well. Scott had moved to Madison, Wisconsin by that time, so I stopped to see him on the way home seeking solace. I think she and I exchanged a couple of letters after that, and after I'd gotten married four years later, my wife and I visited her. As I think about it now, both she and Penny probably thought it was a stupid idea but neither said so. Sandy moved to the San Diego area at some point. After Big A, she went to nursing school. I don't know if she ever got married (I guess it's weird that I never asked), but she had a daughter twenty-some years ago. Despite that I've been to San Diego a couple of times for work since I moved to California, my trips were short and getting together wouldn't have been practical. Sandy died four years ago on my son's thirty-third birthday, 16 February 2020. In a weird kind of synchronicity, in just three days from now, on the 12th of November, she would have turned 68.

I also maintained a connection with the second Sandy for a little while. We exchanged a few letters, I sent her mix tapes (one of which I recall opened with Dylan's "Girl Of The North Country"), we talked several times on the phone. Despite that it all seemed pretty great, it just sort of ended because sometimes distance makes decisions for us.

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Unless otherwise noted, all writings on this blog are copyright Patrick T. Power. All rights reserved.

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Saturday, May 16, 2009

Delma and Lupe Get Married

Delma & Lupe Get Married

I didn't attend this wedding. In fact, for a long time, I didn’t even know Delma existed. And she had lived right across the street from me!

Based on this slide's date imprint, this wedding likely occurred in May of 1967, so, I would have been about 11½.

Delma Estrada is the eldest daughter of Alfredo and Filiverta Estrada (we knew them as Freddie and Bertha) who lived in a house across the street from us when I was growing up. Freddie had two brothers who also moved into the neighbourhood at about the same time (one next door to him and the other two doors down in the other direction) and many of the children growing up in their households were the same age as my brothers and I, as well as every other kid on the block, so many of us — to use a term from those days — ran around together.

It's very possible that Delma was already living on her own when the Estrada families moved onto Utah Street, which is why I wasn’t aware of her at the time. I think she was my brother Bob’s age (who is nine years older than I am), and he wasn’t living at home in 1967, so it’s very possible that she simply wasn’t around. Or… being eleven years old and all, I might have been too busy playing baseball or round-up (a more grown-up version of hide-and-seek) to have noticed her.

But as regards this photograph, Delma isn’t really the story. The story is her sister Olga.

Olga was a year older than I, and I knew her and would occasionally “play” with her around the neighbourhood. She was just another kid on the block, really, and since she was a girl, she didn’t take up much of my attention. And although she was Catholic, she attended public schools whereas I attended Catholic schools, so as we grew up, we saw less and less of each other on a daily basis.

Fast-forwarding to probably the summer of 1975… I would have been 19½ or so, and while washing my new-ish used 1974 Super Beetle on the street, I heard a voice (the sound of which I can still hear in my head… very Debra Winger-esque, raspy, squeaky) calling out to me and I turned to see Olga sitting on her porch swing, laughing at whatever it was she had just said.

I finished what I was doing and walked over to join her.

Quickly, we became the best of friends. We spent a lot of time together that summer, often just sitting on her porch swing talking and laughing. I shared my Martin Mull and Jackson Browne records with her and she tried unsuccessfully to turn me on to Uriah Heep.

She worked at St. Anthony Villa, a Catholic orphanage on the other side of town, and I was working at Commercial Aluminum Cookware (now Calphalon) when it was located in the heart of downtown Toledo. We each were making our ways in the world while still living under our respective parents’ roofs.

Indeed our friendship became very intense in the first couple of weeks as she intimated to me that she thought she might be pregnant. Until that point, I had no clue that she was seeing someone (he was a friend or roommate of her older sister Mina’s boyfriend), so I was rather crushed. It had been feeling like more than a friendship to me. I was seriously free-falling into love only to be provided an ACME anvil to cushion my landing.

She soon found out she wasn’t pregnant, and we went about business as usual on the friendship front. Unfortunately (for me), her relationship seemed to be developing. It was especially disconcerting since I often sat on my porch playing guitar, whence I could see when Steve or Dave or Thomas — or whatever the hell his name was* — came ‘round to pick her up. What further made things difficult for me were the stories she told about him… stories that painted the picture of a not-so-very-wonderful guy. It was killing me.

I can’t recall where in the chain of events it occurred, but we finally went out on what I believed was a date. (Maybe she’d stopped seeing what’s-his-name… maybe I thought she had… whatever.) I don’t recall much about the day except that we ended up at Inky's on the north side of Toledo. Inky’s is a family-run Italian restaurant near where my dad worked. As a family, we had pizza there once a month or so since my dad did work for, was friends with, and golfed regularly with the owner, Frank Incorvaia. Great people. Great food.

It was a nice night. We had fun. We went home. We kissed on her steps. I trembled.

I don’t know why, but we never went out again. I suppose that she sensed my inexperience. It might have been the third time in my life I’d kissed a girl, so no doubt there was no comparison between what transpired for her that night and, well, what almost gets one pregnant.

Still, I remained in pursuit, while at the same time being able to read the writing on the wall.

At the time, Commercial Aluminum Cookware shared a building with a few other businesses, one of which was National Super Service, a manufacturer of industrial vacuum cleaners. At some point, I’d heard that they were hiring and I suggested to Olga that she apply. She hadn’t been too happy at the orphanage and, I thought, wouldn’t it be great to work in the same building! She applied and was hired. And much to my chagrin, our relationship — whatever it was — began its decline (read: came to a screeching halt).

Not long after starting at NSS, she began seeing one of her co-workers, Jeff, a very quiet, likable guy. He and I didn’t interact all that much during working hours, but we were acquainted with each other. Sometime in 1977, they married. I had begun college by then and attended the wedding with my girlfriend, Lisa Salisbury, whom I’d met at school. I went to visit Olga and Jeff once after they’d been married and I think that was the last time I saw her. She eventually took a job with Jobst Institute (whose claim to fame was having manufactured space suits for NASA), in whose parking lot she died. Or so I was told. My mother mentioned it in passing to me over the phone while I was at school, so I never heard anything about what had happened. I’ve never had the opportunity to ask her sisters or cousins. When she was younger, she had injured her head in her high school swimming pool and I was led to believe that her death might have been somehow related to that. Her obituary noted she’d died after a long illness, so… cancer of some sort?

I still have a piece of fabric that she gave me. At the time, sewing colourful fabric around the bottoms of the legs of bell-bottom jeans was a thing. It was something she did. It’s the only tactile reminder I have of her.

A candid picture of herself that she had given to me wore out years ago from being in my wallet, but just as I am able to hear her voice still, I am still able to see that picture of her beautifully big-toothed smiling face. It is a face and a picture that I have forever tied to Jackson Browne's "Fountain Of Sorrow"... from his all-too-hitting-close-to-home Late For The Sky record.

I think of Olga every October 13th, her birthday. Until I found the above high school photo, I conjured what I’d remembered in the long-lost photo I’d kept in my wallet for so long.

A few years after she died, I had a dream in which she spoke to me. "Don't worry," she said, "everything is just fine."

Now the things that I remember seem so distant, so small
Though it hasn't really been that long a time
What I was seeing wasn't what was happening at all
Although for a while, our path did seem to climb
— Jackson Browne (Fountain Of Sorrow)

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*Thinking now about this, I'm pretty sure it was George. (ptp, 2013)

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Thursday, August 25, 2005

Switching Modes

Most of my life, I've been a fairly creative person... I've drawn, sketched, painted, coloured; I've written; I've photographed. I've designed.

A little over a year ago, I discovered the concept of blogging, which has been — for me — a means by which I've written a journal of sorts. Early on, I concentrated on the political scene, thinking that whatever I had to say might have an impact on last fall's election. Alas, it didn't. (Well, I'm pretty sure it didn't... let's hope it didn't! Heh!)

The election results were such a letdown that I've not paid as much attention to the ol' VOP blog on any kind of regular basis... I was so disheartened by the prospect of four more years of the miserable failure that I stopped writing even my more personal essays. I wouldn't say I was depressed, but realizing to my marrow that this country and the world were going to have to somehow survive the misappropriation of patriotism, national pride and justice courtesy of the miserable failure was a bit difficult to bear. I felt a sadness for the world.

Also, for the last several months, my family has been reading my posts... in and of itself that's not a big deal to me, but that things I write here can be misconstrued and misunderstood has bothered me. I've thought about blogging a bit more anonymously, or creating another blog that family wouldn't find, but there's nothing that I write here that I feel I need to run from. I'm just a fellow who wants to write. I just want to write about things I know. Honestly, the only thing I really know about is me and my life.

I had a chat with my sweet friend Rebekah last night thanks to Google Talk. We haven't spoken in over eight months, I'm guessing, and it was such a delight to once again hear the slightly scratchy blend of Saskatoon, Saskatchewan and Savannah, Georgia in her voice. Rebekah is a prolific blogger – despite being so busy with her thesis work, she manages to find time to read books and blog. I've still not finished the John Irving novel I picked up last month (granted, I had a trip out east and a festival to help produce), but still...

That I'm sitting here writing this, though, has much to do with her encouragement and her spirit. Thanks, Ms. B!

The brain is a funny thing, though... for years, I absorbed music. I memorized lyrics to probably every Bob Dylan song that came to light (officially or otherwise), as well as many by John Prine, Loudon Wainwright III, Martin Mull, Neil Young, etc., etc. When I worked for the Michigan State University Instructional Media Center, however, my mind began a shift towards a creativity of my own. I began to study portraiture more seriously — specifically lighting. I bought many books on lighting, as well as books that featured the images of (mostly) commercial photographers. I tried to figure out how they used light to obtain the results they achieved. At the time, I got up the gumption to ask the Lansing Art Gallery's Karen Stock if she'd take a look at my portfolio and give me a chance to have a show at the gallery. She agreed to a date (April/May of 1995) and I went about asking local visual artists if they would pose for me.

The show required a bit more than simply taking pictures, however. I sought support from Kodak (film and photographic paper), the now defunct Photo Conexxion (same), PhotoMart and Custom Photographic (darkroom). I also needed to set up studio space in a couple different locations: the Unitarian Universalist Church in East Lansing, and in my then-wife's ArtSpace gallery/studio/classroom. It was during this time that she wanted out of the marriage, so another fairly ignominious variable was thrown into the swirling pot of emotion and creativity. That I had to shoot her portrait was almost a challenge I didn't want to bear, but I really had no choice — she played a huge role in the inspiration for the project.

As that project came to an end, I seemed to drop photography as my first choice for creative outlet. All of a sudden, songwriting became my medium for creative expression and I dove in as if my life depended on it. In a way, I suppose it did.

For a long time (just about ten years, I guess), I didn't think I'd move away from songwriting — it seemed as though songs were all I knew. Anything that happened to me was turned into a song — whether on paper or merely in my head for a few minutes or hours.

Mingled in amongst all that has happened to me over the course of the last ten years, has been my involvement in the local folk music scene (namely, serving as the booking manager for the Ten Pound Fiddle Coffeehouse), helping to manage the career of an amazingly talented singer from Cadillac, Michigan and (for the last four years) getting a job coordinating the music for the Great Lakes Folk Festival.

As the internet became a part of my life, I've also designed a few websites... mostly folk music-related, one which required doing a Google search for the photograph of a band that I needed for one of the sites.

That led me to flickr.

And my return to photography.

It started out fairly innocently... I had clicked through flickr a few times (from others' blogs — including Rebekah's), but I didn't really experience it until I stumbled onto Marya's flickr page. It hit me like a ton of bricks — photo sharing! Comments, contacts, descriptions... all of a sudden, all of my creative worlds seemed to be colliding. Of course, clicking over to Marya's blog provided further impetus to join flickr, as she so deftly married words with images — with lots of wonderful wordplay.

I wanted to let her (this "emdot" woman) know that I liked her photos, and that I liked her clever, witty remarks about them as well. The email address on her site, however, didn't work, so I had to join flickr in order to leave a comment, which I did. I also wrote her a note using flickrmail. In a return note, she asked me when I was going to begin posting photos to flickr. Since I was yet to purchase a digital camera, my only real option was to begin scanning some of my favourite photos (starting with those from my exhibit) and posting them.

Shortly after that, I borrowed a camera that my son had borrowed from a friend of his and began exploring the digital world a bit. The immediate gratification of digital photography can be very addictive (addicting?), and I soon fell under its spell. In December, I purchased my first digital camera, then went deeper into debt with a bigger, better (though not totally satisfying) model that has 8MegaPixel resolution.

Since I joined flickr, I've posted over 3700 photos and have taken many, many, many more times that! My flickr site has had almost 55,000 views (whatever that really means) and there seems to be no end in site to my af-flickr-iction. I think that what drives me (and others) to post to flickr — as well as spend untold amounts of time cruising others' photos, etc — is the idea that prior to flickr, perhaps only a handful of people would see the photographs I took (my personal ones, that is)... now, I can share them — literally — with the rest of the world. What a concept!

Still, there is this desire to lay down words on paper (or more succinctly, cathode ray tube pixels), so I hope to be doing a lot more of that soon. I have imagined writing a novel one day's worth of blogging at a time, but that hasn't yet seemed to settle into its proper place. Like anyone who loves writing, I believe I have a novel in me somewhere.

Perhaps like flickr, I can use this blog to share that novel with the rest of the world, if and when it decides to rise up and bite me on the ass!

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Unless otherwise noted, all writings on this blog are copyright Patrick T. Power. All rights reserved.

If you're interested in commenting, please sign up at Blogger to do so. The spammers have yet again found a way to ruin something, so I've configured this blog to accept only comments I've read first.